(An old story updated. And yeah grab some popcorn because it’s a long, wild ride).
(Reva Khanna, 29 year old female, working as a Systems
Administrator in Noida, very competitive with leadership traits,
attractive and SINGLE. She lives with her parents in Delhi. Her only
sister is married and settled in US. Her mother is trying really hard to
hook her up with every single male walking the planet even the gay
ones (Matchmaking). Like it’s
her mother’s only goal in life to make sure her daughter don’t become the
maiden Aunt to her sister’s children or live alone. Reva has already
kissed many 'frogs', some of them turned
out to be bugs, some bats, some turtles or even snakes too, but none of them
turned out to be her prince).
Mom I want to meet him
alone.
(Looking
appalled) What? Why? No, you are not allowed to meet him alone.
Oh, come on Mom, I’m just meeting him, not going
on a date with him.
What is the problem in
meeting him at home?
I just can’t meet him in front of the whole world.
Who's the whole world? It’s just his parents, Mrs. Malhotra (the
Matchmaker), grandmother, family friend and a few others.
Isn’t that “whole world”?
Who else is left? You and dad will be there too. Look mom, I’m fed up with this
social stigma of “look-see-and-fix”.
Mere thinking of bringing tea, sit-down looking all coy, gives me goose-bumps. I totally sulk in
doing this drama.
Stop talking crap. You are not someone special, it happens with
all girls.
Mom, I want to meet him
alone and that’s final. If you agree on this then it’s good, if you don’t
then forget about my marriage.
Don't use that tone of voice with me, Reva I said no. Do you
understand? N-O
Ok mom, I am sorry but please
let me meet him alone. Please.
Fine, let me talk to Mrs. Malhotra.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Finally Reva’s parents allowed her to meet that guy all alone and
has also fixed the meeting place and time. Reva was at work when suddenly her phone rang at 1
o'clock and it was her mom).
Hello
Reva,
Hello Mom!
Well, I just thought I’d call and see how you were doing.
I am doing fine, mom, catch
you later it’s lunch time,
Wait, Beta listen, don’t stress out, okay? You’ll do fine.
What Stress? What are you
talking about? I am not going to the border, just going to have lunch in
the pantry.
Arrey!! I am talking about your meeting with him, don’t get fuss
just keep the things simple and…
Stop it mom! My lunch hours
are running. I will call you later bye…
(Reva disconnected the phone and rushed to the pantry for
lunch. Her mother again called up at 3 o'clock in the afternoon, but Reva didn't pick up. So, her mom
called up on the office landline).
(Phone rings)
This is Reva!
Hi beta It’s
Mom! You were not picking up your cell phone so I dialled on your office
landline.
Mom! What the ***. I just turned the ringer
off because I'm busy working. What’s so damn important,
MOM?
Sun toh sahi (Listen to me for once) I just want to remind you
about that meeting. Go on time and be cool and talk in sensitive
tone and do touch up your makeup, sonii banke jaayiii (do look beautiful) and…
Mom, I have no time to think
about that now. I have a boss to answer so just let me finish my work else I
won’t be able to reach at SIX and yeah I will take care of everything and
please don’t call now! Bye!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Oh, moms- why you all are so crazy?”
Anything
serious! “A co-worker asked
peering over her cubicle.”
“Reva
grabbed her water bottle, downed a few gulps,” oh, the usual. My mom wants me to meet a guy, whose even picture I hadn't seen,
and yeah I don’t even know his name.
Hahaha!
Seriously?
Yeah, dude, I'm dead
serious, Mom has fixed me up with a date for evening. She thinks I'm like
either lesbian or just can't fix guys. And she also thinks that if I die
unmarried I will become a snake in my next birth.
What? A
snake! LMAO! But you know Reva its better to be a snake in next birth than to
marry a sleazy snake in this birth.
Woh! This answer is so apt.
I think I am gona copy cut paste your words to my mom.
Hahaha! Well all the best for your blind date.
Thanks! I actually need your
wishes, or boss’s wishes, or my mom’s wishes. I need everybody’s God-damn wishes. ARGH!!
I am freaking out!!
(Co-worker was still
laughing).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Reva left the
office at 5.30 for cafeteria).
So, what do I do? I don’t
even know his name, how he looks, how will I recognize him? “Reva talking
to her bestie (Sneha) on phone while walking down the stairs”
Do one thing, you have his number na, call him and ask what he is wearing?
Who Me? Have you gone crazy?
Why should I dial and ask? Can’t he do that? He also doesn’t know how do I
look?
(Suddenly Sneha
heard a loud thud).
Shit! I wish I could have
worn sneakers. “Reva uttered a curse under her breath”.
Hey what was that noise, what happened?
Ugh, I tripped over my high
heels. Ouch, my ankle.
OMG, Is it sprained or just a bit hurt?
I don’t know but it hurts to
move it and walk on it.
I just hope that guy is not around.
What. No way, O God! I
just wish the ground would open up, and drag me in by my heels! He can’t be
here, He wouldn't be here.
Calm down, Reva, first just go inside the cafeteria, have some
water and then call him and check, ok?
I guess you are right. I will catch you
later, bye!
Bye!
(Reva stood up, walked briskly inside the café, bypassing people
without making eye contact. She sat on the chair for some seconds and dialled
his number).
Hello!
(Where the fuck are
you) Hello, umm, hi, I’m Reva, my mom gave me your number,
Oh hi, I am Karan. Have you reached?
Yeah, I’ve reached, and you?
Yeah almost!
(What? He might saw me
tripping down the stairs?) You reached? Where are you sitting?
I am still on the road looking for parking...
(Thank God!) Ohk! Please
don’t take much time; I’m in hurry k, bye.
Sure, bye.
(Reva
dialled Sneha’s number)
Listen, he was not actually
here to witness my embarrassment. I mean he reached but he is outside still
looking for parking. You know his voice is so damn cute!
Woh! I’m sure he’s gonna look cute too.
Yeah! Fingers crossed and
legs even, oh shit this pain...!
Relax darling, just few minutes more.
Yeah...Hey it’s his call in
waiting, will call you back k bye!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hey Reva, can you do me a favour?
Yeah, tell me.
The parking lot is packed. We have to move somewhere else. My car
is right across the cafe, black swift, number : 2222.
(Dude, I just fell down ten
minutes before and not even able to walk and you want me to come out with that
broken ankle! Could this day really get any worse?) Oh no, look at the
time.
Yeah I, I understand, but I won’t take more than 10 minutes of
yours.
Uhh, well! My Mom’s
phone is in waiting, I will ask her and then I will let you know.
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Hi, mom.
Reva? Oh kithe hai tu?? Pujhii yaa ni?? Kuchh das taa hunn (Where
are you? Reached or not? What happened?) Where is he, is he sitting nearby, ok
so you can’t answer, fine, than tell me in simple yes and no...Is he good
looking? Is he...
Mom, breathe, you are
talking too fast. He has not reached yet. Parking problem. Now we have to go to
some other place. He is waiting outside in his car for me.
Then what’s the problem go.
I can’t. I just fall down
from the stairs and my right ankle is aching, I can’t even walk properly.
You’re a tough cookie, honey. You’re fine. Come on be brave and go.
(Fuck it’s no use talking to
you) Fine, I’m going…bye
No, no don’t disconnect, be on the phone with me at the same time you go.
*Bangs head* Mom you are
just so urrgghhh!!! (Cut the call)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Reva called Sneha)
Hey, listen what do I do?
What happened now? Have you met him?
Not yet, parking is full. We
have to go to some other place. He is waiting for me outside.
Then go!
How? I can’t even walk
properly, my aching feet.
Ohk, listen don’t go from the front, instead go from back and
walk hiding yourself behind some tall or fatty person.
What do you mean? I will
stand there and wait for some taller or fatty person to pass through
first...You so fucking, I swear.
(Laughing) Hey honey relax, my idea is that you gona hide yourself
after someone’s big ass.
Hmm!! Okay I will do that, k
bye
Bye and all the best.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Reva walked out of the cafe, watching her step but because of
pain she was shaking. She saw his car. He was sitting inside it with the door
open, he looks ok. The moment he saw her coming, he came out of the car and
opened the gate for her smiling; she smiled back and sat inside. He gunned the
engine and they were off to some ‘un-planned’ destination.)
Well, hi. Nice to finally meet!
Agreed! “Reva said with an artificial
smile, trying to mentally swallow the fact that now she had to spend the next
one hour with this person”. Where are we going?
I know a good place close by. He responded.
(He parked his car at the side road of some South Indian
Restaurant. She stepped out slowly, till now her foot was swollen and she was
walking like a drunk penguin).
What the hell I look
drunk...is it a bad sign or good? Oh dear god! Save me. “Reva mumbled
under her breath.”
Is there any problem in your foot? “He asked, looking confused”.
“oh yeah, you know what when
I saw you coming, I ran like Kajol ran in DDLJ with my high
heels and I fell like a chopped tree in front of all and sprained my
foot” Oh! It’s just a normal leg cramp, not to worry.
(They
walked over to a table for two. The waiter approached)
So what
would you like to have? “He asked, placing the menu down”.
I will have one Pine apple Juice.
1 Masala
Dosa and 2 Pine apple juices, please.
(He gave the order, their food came).
So you like the south Indian
food? Reva asked.
Yes, a lot specially the coconut chutney.
Hmm. “Reva muttered,
and pulled out her phone”.
(I'm surprised Mum hasn't
called me yet, and it's been an hour since I last talked to her. Probably, she
is busy watching some saas-bahu serial. Reva thought, putting her phone
back in her bag).
So what do you want to know
about me? Reva asked.
Nothing!
(Eyebrows raised!) What?
Yeah it was your plan to meet, I guess.
And you are comfortable
marrying any xyz, without even meeting. What an awful, cynical perspective! Is
this the 19th century?
Well, I saw your photographs and I liked you. My mom has even
shown our horoscopes to one of the astrologers and we are compatible for each
other. So my mom planned for a family meet up for further talks. But you wanted
to meet alone.
Yeah I wanted to meet alone
because I can’t marry any XYZ only on the basis of photographs or because of
some astrologically compatibility. I don’t even know your profession. And I’m
sure you don’t know anything about me, except this that my name is Reva.
Well, I want to know more about you Reva, your likes your hobbies
everything, and about me I am 29, a fashion designer. I have my own Production
unit in Gurgaon. I'm an only
child. I earn enough so I don't want my wife to work in future.
(What? Are we in the
medieval times? This is insane!) Well, I don't think that suits me and
also I still plan on waiting till maybe 33, 35. There’s no rush. “Reva said trying hard to control her anger”.
[Awkward
silence]
Then W....Why
did you wanted to meet me? “The boy asked shockingly”.
(Please, you’re suffocating
me). Because, my parents insisted, and I’m sure they are not aware that you don’t
like career oriented girls. So what is the point talking it any further? Let’s
call it off. And yeah one more thing I am a MCA and MCSE, working for an MNC, I
earn double of what you earn from your production unit. I can easily
afford an apartment of my own, in case you plan on sitting at home after
marriage. Well thank you for a wonderful evening.
(Then, without further ado, Reva turned on her heels and stomped
out of the restaurant, leaving him perplexed).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Reva’s mom opened the door).
So, how was it? She questioned excitedly.
Eh. Bad! NO CHEMISTRY at
all! (Reva mumbled kicking off her high
heels and throwing herself on the sofa).
(Looking quizzical) Bad? What
the hell do you mean? I want to know everything, tell me step by step, how
was he looking?
Ok, ok.
What was
he wearing?
Some white shirt and some trouser.
How tall
is he?
5.7” maybe.
5.7? But Mrs. Malhotra told me he is 5.10. Anyway how was he
looking at you?
Lustfully!
What?
Mommm!! I JUST got home and
you're not EVEN gonna let me rest for five minutes?
You were not ploughing in the field. You were just sitting and eating
in the restaurant.
I don’t eat anything. That
duffer took me to some south Indian restaurant and you know how much I hate the
smell of coconut. I’m so hungry. Give me something to eat?
(Her mom went to kitchen and cooked some sandwiches for her. After giving her sandwiches to eat, her mom sat on
the chair in front of her).
Mom, stop counting my bites? (Reva said
munching on sandwich).
I’m not counting I am just waiting for you to finish it.
Can you please bring me a
glass of water?
Are your hands broken? Get it yourself! I'm not your maid! I
wonder where I went wrong as a mother.
(Munch, munch, munch munch) Oh God, ma, don't be
so dramatic.
You think this is drama. When you get to be my age, you'll
understand the pain of unmarried young daughter.
Ok I’m sorry, I will take
water myself. You know what mom, you
didn't even ask about my foot. Look it’s so swollen.
Oh, did that hurt?
It stung, mom.
Take
ibuprofen with water you will be ok.
Hmm!
(Silence)
So now
tell me what happened?
There's nothing to tell, mom!
Reva I don’t understand why you’re avoiding my questions. What
is wrong with the boy? He’s
29, drop-dead gorgeous, a fashion designer, and stinking rich. And you know
what that means?
It means simple, I don’t
like him. He is irrational male chauvinist pig, who wants to marry a
stay-at-home girl. And yeah, his package didn’t feel big at all. He definitely
wasn’t worth it.
Look Reva, get your head back from the clouds and come back to
earth. Time is running out of your hand. You're not getting any younger. Look
at your hair. I can easily spot gray ones.
Stop it mom, it’s my new hair colour.
(In an exasperated voice) What? Why would you do that without my
permission? Isn't it time you got responsible? I am sick and tired of your
attitude.
Chill it mom, it’s just a
temporary hair colour. And I understand your concerns for me but I can’t rush
into marriage only because of a certain timeline or deadline. And I don’t think
I would die if I turned 30, UNMARRIED.
You have an answer for everything, don't you?
No mom, I am just trying to
tell you that spending whole life with some parasite is not easy.
Great, so according to your theory your dad is also a parasite (Sunaya
tussi tyano parasite bola di hai) “you listening she called you a Parasite.”
Mom, I did not mean it that
way. I just want to tell you that time is changed.
What do you mean “time is changed?” Oh my God Reva, you mean, you
like girls, tell me you love Sneha, don’t you? Tell me honestly, I will talk to
her mom and dad for you.
(Laughs hysterically) Mom,
you are so cute! Yes, I love Sneha a lot, please talk to her parents, please
mom I beg you.
Stop it
Reva.
You started it na. And you
can’t even understand a good humor? Look mom I swear on a stack of Gitas, I
have nothing against marriage. It is a totally cool institution, lot of
fun and joy. Some day, I want to get married too. I Promise. But please give
me my own sweet time to decide whom to marry. Trust me, mom. I won't let you
down.
(After a long pause) okay do what you want to do. I will not
force you.
(Her Mother sighs and mumbles something incoherent under her
breath and went towards her room, to call Mrs. Malhotra and to fix up another
‘Rishta-meeting” for her daughter).
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These arranged marriages I
tell you take the shit out of you. Fall in love and get married without doing
all this drama. No, wait, actually there is drama in love marriages too. So I
guess stay single, because a drama-free marriage is not possible. Or else marry
when YOU'RE ready. Because it's going to
be you waking up beside this person for the rest of your life, if you don’t
want that, then don’t be bullied into it. Your life belongs to YOU. Not
your parents, not your spouse. You’ll never make everyone happy. Take it from
me – it’s rarely possible.
