No one killed Jessica

I know this is the title of the movie that was released on 7 January 2011. I am not commenting whether the film received positive reviews or negative reviews. Neither do I have any interest in writing the afterlife of criminal Manu Sharma. 

My blog is for those who think Manu Sharma is innocent, and he killed Jessica under the influence of alcohol or rather under the influence of power, fame and money. No doubt, he was drunk, and that drunk that he shot at Jessica twice I mean his first bullet missed obviously as he was drunk, but the second one proved fatal, as it hit Jessica, but Manu Sharma is not guilty he was drunk and after killing her he slipped away from the scene and hid in a nearby village, and even he hide his weapon too. But all these things he did while he was high with drinks. 

But what about the girl, who lost her life, that dead isn't gonna get her life back. Though Jessica was shot by Manu's gun but she is murdered by our Indian justice, police and all those who have helped the culprits by destroying their evidences. 

But what is the use of playing blame game now? Does winning this game would return the life of the girl, does it bring her mother back who passed away about six months later, her father who passed away days after the judgment, who will pay for the tragedy and the loss of family members, the void that that no will can ever fill. 

Yesterday someone asked me “if your brother would have done what Manu Sharma did, would you had reacted the same way” 

Before I answer you , I wana ask you “if Manu Sharma had shot down your mother or sister or daughter, would you be able to forgive him and blame it all on alcohol. 

There is a big difference between making a mistake and being guilty of a crime. 

Manu Sharma needs to be given the severest of punishment, including those who helped him to get away with his crime. 

Are We Technologically Advanced?

Today we reached 11.11.11, another year almost over. Technologically we become more advanced. We are having second largest human resource, the best quality of minds, best researchers, scientists, best doctors in the world. We have the third largest army in the world. We have our own satellites system, our own navigation system, largest telecom, in almost every aspects of technology India is excelling. But still we have no technologies to prevent rape. 

Yup we do have lots of DONTS like: don’t wear slutty clothes, don’t work late at night, don’t trust any strangers, don’t park car in isolated parking, don’t drink in the party, etc. etc. But why there is no technology till now to avoid such situation. 

Why there is no such alarm or sirens  everywhere on the road that automatically start  when some girl is in trouble, or why we have no such accessories to wear that have GPS tracking chip  directly connected with Delhi Police, CBI or Military forces? I just want to know, if we have the best quality of minds in the world why there is no such technology to avoid rape. If we are that much advanced than why we still need to follow DONTS rather than following some technology?

My Best Sisters

The more we were closer the far we are now. Not because you shifted somewhere else but because our HEART drifted apart. Sometimes I think we were happy when we were kids, no biases or concealed agendas, playing whole day and fighting like someone’s gona murder the other.

I miss all those fights specially cloth fights, you never let me wore your clothes and I always did when you were not around and kept them back in place before you reached but every time you caught me after smelling the clothes and yell like a freak. Now whenever I open your cupboard I feel you in your clothes. Clothes are still there but I don’t feel like wearing them coz now I have no one to run after me, no one to shout on me and no one to warn me with dire consequences.

I miss the bed fights at night, that twitching, kicking, jolting each other just to get more space on bed. Now I wish you both would be there with me on the same bed, no matter how congested it got.

I miss that dressing table fight. You know now I rarely get time to stand in front of dressing table, I guess the table misses all 3 of us.

That nail polish fight, now I have so many colors lying in my cupboard, few of them are even untouched I hardly use any.

I miss the time when any of us wore new clothes, instead of giving compliments to each other we use to make faces, though there was jealousy but hidden love too. Now we hardly see each other, forget compliment or comments.

That  hurry to reach home just to share a small secret or stupid gossip with you, now there is no one even to talk forget sharing secret.

I was looking through old pictures today and I realized how much I miss. I miss all those small arguments over any stupid random thing, I miss all the crazy time that we spent together. I can't call you on the phone frequently but in my heart, I talk to you every day. 

It was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on... someone to tell on. When mom and dad don't understand, I always knew that you both would and always will.  I am lucky to have you both as my sisters. Miss you both!!

(Over the course of time, we made our lives more and more difficult, and we started losing touch with who we really are and what we really need).

My Little Fighter

Note: This is not a fiction, it’s a true story. So, for all those who only loved to read fiction, avoid reading this, as this story might not be of any interest to you.

A letter of love to my son. The finest man I know, other than his Dad. 

To, 

My Little Fighter,

I always thought of telling you lots of things but sometimes words, sometimes work stopped me to do so. But finally today I have decided to jot down all the things that I wanted to tell you. You won’t be able to understand this letter today, but someday, when you’re ready, I hope you will find some wisdom and value in what I’m sharing with you today. You are in my blood, you are my little fighter and you are precious to me. I told you, early and often that I would love you no matter what. 

I still remember the day when for the first time I saw you, tiny little, most fragile, hidden from the world safely in my womb. Just like other expectant mothers I was also looking forward for the moment of holding you in my arms. My due date came and passed but you were not ready to come out. I got worried, but doctor said that it’s absolutely healthy and fine. But nothing was fine. It was almost as if my body had been trying to tell me something. I felt terribly wrong. I cried please treat me, my baby is in danger, I can feel it. Somehow doctor got ready for operation. There were some complications in your birth, so when you were born doctors may have known that there was some damage in the brain from the first moment. You were born with Cerebral Palsy, something that leads to problems with movement, posture and coordination as the child grows up, something which cannot let you roll over, crawl, and sit up unassisted or anything. At that moment I did not know what this meant, all I knew was that you are different and somehow God has decided for me that I should be blessed with a child who will be relying only on my daily good judgment for its life’s needs. 

I keep trying to stay positive in the hope that one day you will come out of this problem, but I am not Mother Teresa. 

As the years passed, things started to get very challenging and sometimes I found myself in very difficult situations when I read that “Why me” question in your eyes, when you see other children of your age or younger playing or running around. I could hear your voice asking me, why Mommy, why I cant run and play with other kids, why I cannot hold a toy, why I cannot put food into my own mouth, why this injustice to me, why cant I be normal like others. 

Son, there is nothing I wouldn't give to go back and change things. But that isn’t possible. What’s done is done, you were born this way and you can’t change that, you are not different but you are special. I know you are strong. Your dad and I are trying our hardest to give you the best life possible. Every milestone of yours is a kind of personal victory for us. Rather than buying cars, I buy treatments and equipment, and staff that will facilitate and help the mobility progress of yours. It has been tough to watch you struggle in ways I can't even imagine, but I have confidence that all these things are going to help you. 

No mother likes to see her child in pain. There are days when I am at my breaking point and all I want to do is to cry and cry. I still remember the time when you had issues with sleeping, you always jerked yourself awake and the only way to get you any sleep is to hold you close and let you sleep, I stay awake all night holding you close to my chest so that you can sleep peacefully. And I remember being almost overwhelmed with the responsibility I felt for the safety and well being of yours. But I knew I could do it. 

Although you have everything in the world going against you, you still are the happiest kid in the world. If I am having a bad day, I will often look to you for inspiration. It’s amazing how much I have learned in my years on this earth from a disabled 4 year old kid. You always seem to know when I am sad and you will do your best to give me a great big hug. 

You are a boy who is full of enthusiasm and sweetness and brightness and good humor and all sorts of wonderfulness. You love eating chocolate, ice-cream and birthday cake, you adore rain, you're obsessed with the movies & TV show; you give the most delicious slurpy kisses; you enjoy all sorts of music, you have a happy squeal that makes strangers smile and a giggle that makes the world laugh with you. I am not exaggerating when I say that you charm everyone who meets you even grumpy people. You are my very best friend as I am yours; and I wouldn't have it any other way. I learned a lot from you—inner strength, courage, endurance, and greater faith. That is the true happiness of motherhood. If I had to do it all over again, I would a million times. 

On this day, in the Fifth summer of your life, I want you to know that I love you infinitely. 

With all my love 

Mom

(Just because things are different they aren't bad or unpleasant: they are just different. And different can be an inspiration. This Mom is an absolute inspiration. As she touchingly puts it, this was a far cry from the dreams she had had for her son before his birth. And she understands her kid better than anyone else even if he can't talk; even if he can't gesture; even if he can't look in the eye. She know. She just know). 

Don't let the pain become your identity

My mom slapped me I wanna die :( 

I am not getting a job , I wanna die :(

Nobody loves me, I wanna die :(

My wife/husband always fights with me, I wanna die :(

The Acne Destroyed My Life, I wanna die :(

I'm bored with my life, I wanna die :(

Gosh, the list for “I wanna die” reasons is never-ending. There are so many reasons that make us hopeless and helpless at times, shatter us so much that we want to end our lives. But is life actually that cheap? I mean one small problem and we wanna die. Why we take life as granted. Why we assume “Death” the only solution to end all our problems. Why we keep on complaining about what we don’t have? Why we are always busy cursing fate? Why don’t we feel grateful for what we have?

So your mother hits you and you feel like ending your life. If you really feel like ending life then you truly deserve that smack. She risked her life to give you life. I know sometimes its not easy dealing with your mom. She may seem bossy or sometimes just plain crazy but killing life for a small reason is just not fair. Some battles you just can't win. Just agree to disagree, instead of dragging out the fight, accept that she's not likely to see things in your way. Moms often become overbearing because they feel threatened when you start to show signs of independence. Make time for her; arrange a day to hang out each week, so she backs off a little. Even talking to your dad can help to resolve the conflict. Give each other some space. Always remember “God could not be everywhere therefore he made mothers. Never say mean things to your mom in the heat of the moment. She'll likely have a hard time getting over the altercation.

"Be very thankful to God that you have a mom coz not everyone is that lucky.”

You are not getting any job, you wanna die. Is this really a big issue? How long have you been looking? A week or two? May be your standards are too high, widen your friend circle, talk to lots of people and let everyone know that you really need a job. One thing you need to keep in mind is that in today’s economy, for every 1 job there are 10 applicants, which reduces your chance of being that lucky 1/10 people who gets picked for a job. Be thankful to God that you got education and now you looking for a job. Because there are many who can’t even afford being in a college. You are worth a lot to a lot of people and I mean a lot. You are not alone, but death is definitely not the answer.

Nobody loves you, so you wanna end your life. Just because someone doesn't loves you the way you want them doesn't mean, they don't love you. Not all emotions are expressed through words. Who has seen the wind? Neither you nor I, we can just feel the wind. Just like wind, our emotions are invisible. We can't see them directly with our normal vision rather we feel them in our bodies. Feel the love, feel the need and feel the life. Be happy inside be confident. Love yourself before someone else can love you. When you basically love and accept yourself, you don’t need the approval or acceptance of someone else.

Your wife/husband always fight, you wana die. Let's face it, you've got a better chance of surviving cancer today than for having a successful long-term relationship, but again this is just a phase, it will go away. If you truly care about the relation, clarify, don't assume. Apologize if your partner feels hurt. If nothing works take advice from right marriage counselor, they can help in saving your marriage. Try everything to improve your marriage. If your spouse refuses to change or you dont see one ounce of improvement after several months of hard work, it’s time to think about getting a divorce and start thinking about living the rest of your life. When the couples don't even talk to each other anymore or can't stand each other anymore perhaps to the point of only wanting to hurt each other's feelings, divorce seems to be the best strategy. No one can tell you the right thing to do. It’s your decision. It’s your choice. It’s your life. It’s your happiness. You have to do what is BEST for you because you deserve the BEST.

Ok so you have acne, you are ugly, fat, not good looking, right. Yup there are problems but not so big that you think to end your life. Death isn’t worth it. Try to focus on positive thoughts and activities. I am sure you must have some qualities that you like about yourself. Might be you are funny, intelligent, sincere, generous. You may have a positive influence on others even then you think you're useless. And to improve your body structure, hit the gym, watch what you eat, that will help with the weight and acne. It doesn't matter how other people think of you, just try and live life to the fullest. 

So you are bored with life and wanna end it. I pity anyone who chooses not to live. At least you HAVE your life unlike those who are suffering from incurable diseases. I still remember last words of alcoholic, 22, who died after being refused liver transplant, “Please help me Mum and I don't want to die. I want to live.” You are lucky you have a long life in your hand to do whatever you want. NEVER QUIT! Yes, life is not always great, but we should always look forward to the good times. Whatever you're suffering, skin problems, weight problems, not having a good job, you can always recover from it. Complaining or hating God will not help you. You need to do something constructive. DO WHAT YOU LOVE TO DO. You have one chance, one life; try to find out what it means to be alive. Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal. Running water does not flow back.So is life, make it happy! Enjoy every moment of your life. There is no second chance in life...

Azadi Ki Dusri Ladayi!!

No my blog is not about Anna Hazare. It’s about the revolution Anna has started. It’s about the feel, the youth, the system and most importantly AAM JANTA. I grew up listening to stories about freedom fighters. Love watching patriotic movies. Even Rang De Basanti, fills in me a feeling of Triumph, Euphoria, Sincerity, Pain, Anguish and Heart Stirring Emotions. It makes me think that I too need to get involved and do something. 

I always thought how would be the feel if I was born at that time. Would I also be the freedom fighter or what? I always regretted not been born at that time, but not now. 

Yesterday when I was coming from Connaught place I felt as if I was in the era of 1942, the time when Bhārat Chhoṛo Āndolan was at its peak. Everything looked different, I mean there was as usual lots of crowd on road but this time the crowd was dipped in the color of freedom. Among them were highly educated, old, the youth, children, women, street vendors and many more, protesting against corruption with flags, posters, masks and badges. They were shouting slogans "Anna Hazare Zindabad" , "Bharat Maata Ki Jai", Bhagat Singh and Inquilab Zindabad. Even those who were in cars waving flags, autos had stickers stuck on their front to show their patriotism and their contribution in this movement against corruption. 

Everyone looked so thrilled and enthusiastic, all seemed to be the part of that aazadi that we got centuries back but somehow lost somewhere and now it’s the time of renewal I guess!!! 

I feel great. “I feel I am important and more powerful. I feel as if this is the flash back. As if everybody is Sukhdev, and Bhagat Singh, I see a revolution happening. I see thousands of people, a new courage, a lot of hope, a spirit to do something!!What I feel good about this is that I always wanted to be a part of that Aazadi Ki Ladai and now it’s happening in front of my eyes. 

No this is not dream, this is not a movie, this is a revolution, a true revolution against Corruption. Thank you Anna Hazare for showing us the way, the same way as you did many years ago during the freedom struggle. Anna has started, it has to go on, not only at Ramlila Maidan but at every level in different places. 

Wake up and shake up is needed.

“ Ab bhi Jo na Khola, Khoon Nahi Woh Paani Hai…. 

Desh Ke Kaam Main Jo Naa Aaya, Bekar Woh Jawaani Hai .”

The Soul Would Never Depart

I can feel your pain even
if you are thousand miles away,
I wish I could do everything
to help you
But all I can do is just
PRAY…
I want to protect you,
want to be your shed
Want to take you for a
lovely life ahead
I want to save you from
the terrible nightmares
Coz whatever happening to
you is just not fare
Hate those words that you
uttered last night
But I know that was out of
frustration from life
The sinful world is making
you something that you never were
But I promise I will never
leave you in life's toughest sphere
But I fear  A fear…
A fear of not running fast
with you
And your grip will
slowly slip through my weathered hands
I promise I will never
stop and will crawl with all the bruises I get
coz I know you will miss
me and cry when you will turn back
and you will search for me
in the dark
I promise i will never let
you lose your spark
I will be with you under
the same sky
I might die and get depart
but my love will never die
Memories will never die
My soul will never die…..


 

SOMETIMES A HUG IS ALL WE NEED

(The girls in conversation are Nikita (N) and Shikha (S), two imaginary persons, who are colleagues, best friends and mirror to each other)

N: OMG he is again online!

S: Who? Okai your guy.

N: Yeah! Now a days he remain online for the entireee fucking day.

S: Are you Jealous?

N: Why would I?

S: Just block him, from here and from your life as well.

N: Sigh!!!!!!!I don’t know why…. but I can’t block him.

S: I just don’t understand why the hell you giving him that shitty importance in your life that you sulk seeing him   online but never feel like blocking him. C’mon cut the crap out and block him, stop spoiling your life. Grow up! There are almost 7 billion people on this planet and you wanna sit and sulk over one person?

N: I don't give a damn shit, whether he is online or not.

S:  Then why don’t you block him?

N: Coz I want to know how many hours in a day he remains online.

S:  And why the hell you want to know this?

N: Coz I want to know for whom on earth he get time all of a sudden that he remain online for the entire Fucking day. 

Coz I wana know how and when chatting becomes so much interesting for him that he start remaining online for hours. 

Coz every time I saw him all cool, calm and collected, I lose my breath, my heart starts pounding and I am painfully aware that I am not over him and he is over me. Seriously it hurts and it hurts hell a lot. 

S:  Yes dear, it hurts. But now he is over you. So, just move on, stop sulking  for someone who don’t deserve u. Sometimes you just have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears and say good-bye. It’s high time now. Just forget him.

N:  Oh how I wish I could shut my eyes and just forget him,

How I wish I could spend a few hours not thinking of our time together,

How I wish not to be jealous of ally girls he is moving around

How I wish I could leave him the way he left me, no questions, no answers.

How I wish to be strong enough to move on

How I wish I could proudly say to myself that "i am completely over him"

But it’s not easy…trust me…am trying my level best but it’s not easy….

(Tears start rolling her cheeks when she thought of the good old days…..

(The time when she was too busy to chat and he usually text her to come online and always initiate the conversation with a heart shaped smiley <3.

When they used to chat for hours, on anything random, on  bollywood actor to politics, on food to shopping, on movie to projects, on every random fucking topic. And whenever she don’t feel like chatting he kept buzzing her and kept sending her that sweet lovey dovey Smileys. How cute were those days!!). 

But all of a sudden he changed. He didn’t chat, and hardly text her.  Long text chats had stopped merely on one liner good morning and good night texts. He rarely respond whenever he saw her online and whenever she tries to initiate chat he become offline or rather becomes invisible just to avoid talking to her. She came to know from someone that he is moving on with someone else.  She visited her profile so many times just to know what special quality that his new love holds that she lacks. Why he stop talking to her all of a sudden. Why he left her for some other random girl. And now for that girl he remains online from morning till night.

She came back to senses from memory lane with the touch of Shikha on her shoulder. Shikha came and sat beside her.

S: Don’t worry he will get hurt one day and he will be standing in the rain all alone wishing you were there with him…. If he is stupid enough to leave you, be smart enough to let him go!

N :  But why do guys seem to have such an easy time getting over us. it’s  like we go on facebook and they are chatting with everyone “loling and hahahing ”and our facebook is empty with the hope that the guy will          look at us, talk to us. you know he told me he would never dream of leaving me, he cried every time he thought of us not being together, he  was the most perfect, most amazing, best guy I could ever dream of and       all of a sudden he stopped caring, stopped wanting to see me, stopped Calling me 24/7. Doesn't he understand that it hurts!!!

(Shikha said nothing just came closer to hug her. Because sometimes, all you need is just a hug.  No words. Nothing. Just a simple, long hug)

(Missing someone you once had, is like removing your ring at your finger that you have worn for very long, it feels like it’s still there, but it’s not…)

The girl in the green dress

“Damn its already 10:00pm, I haven’t even decided what to wear”, she muttered to herself and rushed to check her  wardrobe  as if she don't know what is there in her wardrobe, as if some interesting stuff came magically out of nowhere. “Oh God! What to wear I don’t even have a single dress to wear tomorrow” she said to herself in depressing tone. She even look at those dresses  that she decided not to wear in any case, in the hope that they miraculously look good, may be now.  Hell! Why don’t I have anything sophisticated to wear. Can I wear this, no it’s too long I don’t wana look out of fashion , can I wear this, it’s too tight for a date, what about this red short top, well I think it’s too bright for day time. .  After half an hour of mental fight she choose 4 of her best dresses in the hope that at least one will make her look pretty, though she look good in all, but this time she was confused. Well it was 11.00 pm till then, usually her sleeping time, but today she was in no mood to sleep before deciding the dress for tomorrow. It was a big day for her she was meeting him after so long. She don’t wana end up looking Yuck. “Now, I have to choose one dress out of four”, she said to herself and start giving all four dresses a try.  Out of four dresses she decided to wear black. “Black is his favourite colour and black makes me look fairer” she thought.  Oh wait a min, isn’t I wore black on last date. Hell! what he gona think that I don’t have dresses to wear, no ways he won’t even remember it’s almost a year man. No wait a min he surely gona remember, his memory is sharp. Shit! I will not be wearing black.  Then what should I wear now. She sat tired and confused. She closed her eyes and thought of him, she imagined him sitting opposite her, looking deep into her eyes and saying, “to my eyes you are the most beautiful person’ I'd never get tired of watching you , you look good in whatever you wear, you are my perfect lady.”  She opened her eyes and felt that she was the most amazing and beautiful lady on earth, she was feeling like Princess, princess to his prince.  She finally decided to wear her green dress, she remembered her mom once said that green makes her complexion brighter.  She felt good after deciding her dress.  She chooses her sandals and accessories too. It was almost 12. Before sleeping she made a call to him, like she did daily but today it was different as if she have all the lady luck with her. She slept with his dream.  Woke up at 7.00 just to make sure she doesn’t miss any single thing.  Again watched her dress, ironed it and went for a quick shower. She Blow Dried Her Hair, applied kohl, wore that green dress, wore sandals, and wore her favourite musk perfume. Here she was ready to meet her Prince, gave a final look in the mirror, waved flying kiss to the princess waving back from the mirror and left to meet her prince. She reached before time, standing at the side of the road waiting for him, he came hugged her and they decided to sit in the restaurant.  She felt something negative in him, he was not the same, he was not looking straight into her eyes, was either busy on cellphone or noticing other people.  She thought might be something wrong with her makeup she hurriedly stood up excused him and went towards rest room, she looked at herself in the rest room mirror, nothing wrong, am looking good, she thought, then why dint he said anything, I wasted my whole night deciding what to wear and he dint even noticed.  She felt like crying but stopped herself coz she don’t wana ruin her kajal that she carefully applied for him, as he once told her that he loved her kohl eyes. She came back sat there as if nothing was troubling her. They chatted for a while still he dint noticed her. Then on some point he became angry, yelled on her and stood up. To her shock he went towards the counter made the payment and went outside the restaurant leaving her alone to face all the bulging eyes.

What? Was not it a date? What’s wrong with him? Whatever wrong happened he should not move like this. She tried hard not to cry but a single drop of tear ran towards her cheek. She hurriedly rushes towards the washroom. She cried, and cried and cried, her kohl eyes never stopped her from crying now. And her kohl spread all over her face, made her face wretched. Now she was not feeling amazing and beautiful, she was no longer princess and there was no prince for the princess.

(When people walk away from you, let them go. Your destiny is never tied to anyone who leaves you, and it doesn't mean they are bad people. It just means that their part in your story is over. Don't waste your time and effort on people who don't care about you, who hurt you, and who bring you down. Instead find the people who love you, through thick and thin, wrong and right, good and bad, these are the only people worthy of your time).

The Last Page of Her Diary!!!!!

The Last Page of Her Diary…and also (HER last conversation with HIM) 

Him: hi

Her: hi (excited hearing  his voice after ages, but trying not to show her excitement)

Him: how are you

Her: am good and you…

Him: am good too…

Her: (wanted to ask him “how is it going without me”  but asked)  “Hows life”

Him: (Wanted to tell her “life ends the day when we break off” but said “ its great”

Her: (wanted to ask him “you missed me” but asked “So whats new in life”

Him: (wanted to tell her “I miss you” ..but said “work is all m bzy with so where you busy these days, heard that you gona marry this month end..tell me something about him?

Her: Yeah am getting married this month end. He is nice..and he is into merchant navy.

Him: Good !!! you deserve him..

Her: (wanted to say “So you the one who broke my heart into a million pieces & now you're saying it's because I deserve better? But said…yeah thanks… so you planning to attend my wedding.

Him: (tears start rolling his face..but hiding his pain he said ”why not..if I am in town I'll definitely make sure to attend your wedding”

Her - Thanks,

Him -Hmmm….chalo I am feeling sleepy now..you take care of yourself and god bless
Her - Okay,you sleep.gudnight.


She opened her diary with tears rolling down on her cheeks and then wrote ... "you are still the same. you didn't change a bit. i'm sorry that I have changed.

He locked himself in his room..cried a lot and said to himself “.. I'm sorry for being so hateful, & rude.,  I'm sorry for not caring when I said I did, not loving when I said I would, not listening when I said I would. I'm sorry for throwing away the wonderful life you offered. Please never forget that I love you more than anything, and you mean the world to me.

(It’s weird how you go from being strangers, to being friends, to being more than friends, to being practically strangers...all over again).................

The Girl Behind The Mirror

I gave her a quick look, but something struck me. Though she looked the same as usual but her eyes were not the same. I also saw some scars on her. I turned back to examine her closely. Watching me coming closer, her eyes filled with torment, started flooding with tears. As if she wanted to talk to me for a long time. That puzzled me coz I always make it a point to meet her daily before leaving and after coming home from work, then why and what she wanted to talk about. And why she looks so different today. What was bothering her? From where she got all those scars on her.

She had a completely blank look on her face, yet I knew, I could tell from those eyes, that she was secretly screaming, begging me for help. I wanted to console her, I extended my hand to touch her but all I could touch was the surface of the glass. I felt she was prisoner behind the bars who was getting punishment for the crime that she never committed. For a moment I felt that I made her prisoner, am the culprit of all her scars and wounds.

I tried reading her lips that were saying, “I keep caring for each and every person but nobody cares for me and loves me. I always try not to hurt anybody’s feeling but people keep on hurting me. Am surrounded with so many people but I am still lonely, please let me go away, go very far from all these problems, go very far from all the selfish people, please let me go.”  I couldn't believe that I was witnessing such anguish.

Suddenly she began to cry harder and at that point, I began to cry harder as well. I was feeling so helpless. There was nothing I can do for that beautiful soul, except stand there and watch her soul bleed and scream those words over and over again.

I wanted to kill all those persons who hurt her that bad that she wanted to kill herself, that her eyes lost shine, that her words were painful. Suddenly, I got an eerie feeling that I knew them; had met all of them before. 

Then, like a bolt from the sky, reality struck; I heard myself crying out those words that I thought the girl had been screaming, heard them escape my own mouth. I began to cry even harder as I looked at the girl in the mirror, the one who'd seemed like such a stranger before, then looked down and saw the scars on me. I looked back at the girl in the mirror, realizing too late that I knew her all too well. 

I stopped crying out those words long enough to whisper at her, "I'm sorry for making you who you  are."  Her eyes, now red and puffy from the crying, looked sadder than ever before for a moment, but then, just like that, her face went blank again, and I knew that she was suppressing all the anguish. I wanted to stop her, but I couldn't. I wanted to touch her but I couldn’t.  So, taking my hands down from the mirror at the same time as the girl, I began to back away, because I knew she wanted to be alone. Because I knew that I wanted to be alone after taking that painful journey into myself. 

In the middle of "believe" was the word LIE!!

I always knew that you were lying..

I was happy at the outset..

but deep inside I was  dying..

I never reacted Cause everything seemed so fine..

When I was with sweet love of mine.

I knew these happiness gona do nothing but raise false hopes..

Was so mad in love that despite of your rude behavior I always tried to cope…

You lied that you'll never ditch my soul..

But you left me alone, and gone..

I was so stupid believing what I feel..

Finding out that you've left me for someone with same zeal.

I was in deep sleep and refused to open my eyes..

That gona show me the reality that you again lied..

you once promised to wipe my tear..

but then you left me with never ending tears.

Life seems so scary if you not there..

But now I have to live with that fear..

I wish I could not believe in your lies..

Then I might have saved my soul from dying..

It was like a wound which never heals..

So painful and lonely, that no one can ever feel.

Damn this heart who believed in you..

Believed that you're real, what you said were true.

How will I accept the truth that you've just thrown me away..

I was like counting every grain of sand just to know where to stay.

Daydreaming

Whenever I close my eyes to think..

A face turns up with each blink,

This happens to me every times..

Letting me believe …that…

Face is for me and only mine.

When I try to recollect the features..

It reflects only one person whom I praise..

This can be only an infatuation..

But I am sure it is an indication..

For something which I wana say..

But I feel it may be understood one day….